My Testimony
Recently, I have gone thru a season of testing, trial, stress, whatever you may call it. I have felt the attack of the enemy on my soul in almost every way I can imagine. I finally had enough and decided to fight back.
I started asking God, why? Why am I so tired all the time? Why does my body hurt so badly? Why is the depression coming back? I started doing research, talking to different professionals, searching my heart, doing a lot of praying. In the process, I kind of felt like I needed a change from the same old same old, and I switched radio stations for a while. I felt like I kind of needed some 'shock treatment' or something. And God came thru.
When I was a small kid, my Mom made lots of home videos of me. In those videos, I see a child who jumped up and down for joy, ran around being happy, just basically loving life - I guess just being a normal kid. But something happened. I guess I will never know the cause, other than to speculate that a fall from a bicycle that knocked me unconscious might have affected my brain a bit, but I lost that joy for life. Life became bland, flat, not horrible, but nothing to jump up and down about either. A mental break as an adult left me on psych meds that did nothing to bring much color back into my life. I could function, but certainly felt no reason to jump up and down for joy.
In my deep soul searching for answers, someone asked me, on a scale of 0-5, how much hope did I feel for my situation? I responded with, maybe 1.5... It can always be worse, you know. But then they said something else... "Can you be grateful that it isn't any worse?" And I realized, once again, that gratefulness and worship and praise is how God delivered me from 30 years of psych meds... And I had forgotten that was the key....
In listening to this more modern music station, (the shock factor, you know!), I heard a song that I had heard several years earlier. I never really could understand some of the words to it. It was way too modern for my taste, and I just didn't really like the way parts of the song were sung, so why bother, right? But this time I felt like I really needed to know what was being said in this song. So I looked up the lyrics, and what I found totally changed my outlook.
Have you ever met those who Keep hummin’ when the song’s thru?
It’s like They’re living life to a whole different tune.
And have you ever met those who Keep hoping when it’s hopeless
It’s like They figured out what the rest haven’t yet
The second you realize What you have inside
It’s only just a matter of time ‘Til you..
Sing, so the back row hears you....
So when you’re standing in the rain again You might as well be dancin’
Why? ‘Cause there’s no storm that can change how this ends
So next time when you feel blue Don’t let that smile leave you
Why? ‘Cause you have every reason just to..
Sing, so the back row hears you....
(Excerpt from Grace Got You by Mercy Me)
WOW!! When you really realize what God has done for you, and you are saved and belong to God, it changes things!! It's only a matter of time, and you will be able to sing again until the back row can hear you! God can bring that joy back into your life and let you dance on the inside, even though the body might not be able to...
So for me, praise and worship were the keys to deliverance - the keys to the more abundant life, and the keys to that joy unspeakable and full of glory. Am I still in pain? Oh yeah. Have all my problems disappeared? Nope. But I'm in a much better place mentally and spiritually.
God, help me to remember this lesson. Please let me sing until the back row can hear me, and let me dance on the inside once again. It's only just a matter of time....
UPDATE:
Wow. God did it!
God With Us - Mercy Me
If I had to put my heart into song, it would be these that are listed below.
That's Not the God I Know - Collingsworth Family
He Looked Beyond My Fault -
He's Been Faithful - Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
Great Is Thy Faithfulness - Wes Hampton
May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You - Jim Reeves
May you also experience the faithfulness of God in your life.
The Lord's Prayer - Gaither
And all God's people said, Amen.